So it’s a casual Wednesday night and you’re scrolling through the Twittersphere catching up on all the latest gossip. All of a sudden, your eyes stumble upon a screenshot of a tweet from a Pinkerton student, better known as a Pinkertonian.

They say they want to steal our bleachers for the Mack plaque football game. This is blasphemy!

Although this is a daunting task, I will attempt to provide you with a step-by-step guide on how they could go about doing such an act.

And how we will deny them this pleasure.

Step 1: Show up mighty early

Londonderry High School’s final bell sounds at 1:58 p.m. And Pinkerton Academy’s rings at 2:10 p.m., a whopping 12 minutes after LHS’s. Given the traffic exiting Pinkerton’s senior lot, which I’ve heard is ludicrous, it would take approximately 20 minutes  for students to actually get onto the road.

Then it would take another fifteen minutes to travel all the way to Londonderry, so it would take them at the very least thirty-five minutes to get here. And that’s being generous.

By that time, the entire population of LHS will already be in the bleachers after walking the 100 steps from the back door of the school to the football field.

Therefore, Pinkertonians would literally have to travel back in time, crossing the space-time continuum, to be at the Londonderry bleachers before us. Sounds quite difficult if you ask me.

Step 2: Fight us

Londonderry students are very protective over their bleachers, so they won’t go down without a grueling fight. Yes, Pinkerton has about twice as many students as LHS, so at first glance it would appear there might be quite an unfair advantage.

However, our mascot is a Lancer while Pinkerton’s is an Astro, short for astronaut. According to Spike TV’s popular television program Deadliest Warrior, if you put an actual Lancer riding a muscular stallion, wielding a shiny sword, up against an astronaut in confining space gear, I’m sure the Lancer would win 11 times out of 10.

But that’s just my opinion. I’d like to see them try! (Disclaimer: Lancer Spirit editorial staff is in no way suggesting Pinkertonians and Londonderrites engage in any physical violence against one another).

Step 3: Make sure you tweet about it

Posting your master plan to the Twittersphere will surely solidify it. As history has proven, putting your top secret plan onto a public forum is an excellent way to guarantee proper execution. Now that your enemies (in this case, Londonderry), know about the plan, it’s bound to work.

Seriously, this is a fantastic plan, and I’m wondering why they haven’t tried this in the past.

Oh wait.  They have.  And we’ve always managed to keep our bleachers filled with Lancer Superfans.

Which is exactly what will happen at this weekend’s Mack Plaque.