The ticking of the clock, tapping of a pencil, and the chewing of the gum is enough to send somebody like me over the edge into a haze of rage.

I suffer from a disorder that is called Misophonia, which is also known as “selective sound sensitivity syndrome.” According to Misophonia Association (http://misophonia-association.org/article/) it is a brain disorder that is common in individuals usually starting around the ages of 9-13 and continues throughout adulthood.

People who suffer from misophonia are easily triggered by common noises such as background noises (this may be anything small, such as a toe tapping, faint breathing or chewing). It’s mainly noises that comes from the mouth that seem to dramatically set me–and most people with misophonia–off the most. Misophonia stems from anxiety and when you are enraged can lead to panic/anxiety attacks that may vary in severity.

I have had hundreds of outbursts and breaking points stemming from misophonia. A common example is when I’m doing work on my own and hear a classmate nearby chewing their gum loudly or making a squeaky noise on their chair, which slowly makes me lose my mind. I tense up and get angry. I feel so paranoid to the point where I either can’t look at them or sometimes have to take myself out of the classroom because I can’t get my mind to stop being so fixated on the noise that’s bothering me.

Being sensitive to everyday noises is a difficult problem to deal with every day in whatever situation I am in.  It might seem a little excessive, but in the haze of rage nothing matters other than getting that noise to stop.

One particular trigger is during a quiet time at school when I am doing individual work, which is why I often ask my teachers to let me put in my earphones to help me focus. Sometimes they say yes, but sometimes they don’t. I try to ask during what I deem “appropriate” times like during individual work, not during a lecture or lesson because I can understand that is rude.

I started to really notice my noise sensitivity get truly serious when I was about ten years old. The simplest noises made me easily annoyed and enraged. Throughout my middle school years, my disorder really started to get severe.

Its effects takes a toll on my mental and emotional state. I am often told by my friends and family to “get over it” or “just ignore it” as if it were really that simple. Once people with Misophonia hear something that triggers them, it is not easily possible to just “get over it” or “just ignore it.”  It makes me feel insecure and self-conscious about my condition wherever I go.

I can specifically remember not eating at the dinner table with my family because I simply could not fathom having to sit through a meal forced to listen to each of my family members eat their meals; chewing, swallowing, and slurping. The stress and anxiety I would get was not worth it to me. I ate upstairs in my room for over a year because it was the only safe place I could escape the invigorating noises that would seem to just follow me wherever I went.

I never knew what my condition was–or that I even had a condition–until I reached my freshman year of high school. I thought it was my responsibility to mask it and control it myself.  I was relieved to finally know that there was a word for what I have been feeling for so long, but then it dawned on me. Disorder.

That is what stuck with me the most when looking on my computer screen searching for answers. I often feel like there is something wrong with me when I have to explain to my teachers or peers why I need to put in my headphones during class. They do not understand I need to block out all of the unwanted noises in my head and drain the annoyances that linger in my mind.

They often think I’m just being rude and overly dramatic, but that is simply not the case.

There is no known cure for misophonia so people like me often suffer in silence and have to “just deal with it” when hearing unwanted noises. The only real way to prevent an episode is to immediately confront the person making the noise and ask them to stop, but there is no guarantee that they will do as you wish. That’s where the anxiety and insecurity takes place because when you have to beg somebody to not chew their gum so loudly.

It’s not easy to feel constantly annoyed and overly sensitive to these noises. I wish I didn’t get so tense and anxious the minute I see somebody reach for a piece of gum and put it in their mouth. I am just anticipating for the snapping of the gum and the saliva-slurping sounds that will inevitably happen. Just thinking about it makes me anxious.

The worst part is in class. When you can’t stop hearing the noise that is bothering you. Not every teacher is as understanding.

There is a lot more to headphones than just not wanting to pay attention in class, some students, like me, really need them!