Drip:
The fashion a person has or the way they carry themselves. You can buy drip or it can come naturally. This “driptionary” is for those who want to “talk the drip” while they “walk the drip.”
For some odd reason we’ve been given the greenlight to come back with installment numero dos of the driptionary. I am both touched and shocked. To quote a man I’ve always looked up to…
“I don’t know what to do with my hands,” said the legendary Ricky Bobby.
Now, back to business. This week we cover the term “ogre-fished.”
Let’s say it’s your 18th birthday, the day you’ve been waiting for your whole life, the day you can finally legally get a Tinder account. You do as all men on tinder do. You turn on Netflix, you sit down on your couch, and you begin swiping right.
Half an hour into this endeavor your finger begins to cramp, so obviously you just switch to the left hand.
Finally, you’ve managed to find a match with a lovely looking lady. You can’t figure out what to say to her. You decide to hit her with the simple “Yo baby wus poppin?”
She replies quickly. This is not something you’re used to. Little bit of back and forth friendly banter ensues and bing bong bam boom pow you’ve got yourself a date.
You’re all excited. You put on the good cologne and the one collared shirt you have in your closet along with that one pair of khakis and you’re on your way.
You pull up to the restaurant and begin looking for Kate Upton.
Someone sitting alone at a table for two calls your name. You look over. Your date is not Kate Upton, but rather more of a Danny Devito type.
You’ve been ogre-fished.
Let’s look at another scenario. You and the squad have scheduled a nice little movie night. You know, some good old huddle and cuddle time. Y’all agreed in the group chat that you would be gathering together to view the masterpiece that is “Scooby Doo: The Movie.”
You show up to the designated location, and Scooby Doo is not on the television screen. Instead, one of your lads suddenly burned up his man card and put “The Notebook” on.
You’ve been tragically ogre-fished.
Now, clearly, being ogre-fished is not something you want. No sane human being wakes up in the morning, looks at their “Hello Kitty” alarm clock, and verbally exclaims, “Boy would I just love to be ogre-fished today!”
To avoid such a horrendous occurrence, just don’t ever get your hopes up. Ever. Constantly assume the worst from every situation. Set your expectations so low they burn in hell.
Your expectations can be appropriately elevated with our Driptionary “No Ogre-Fishing” guarantee.
Bring your booty back here next week to learn more about what it means to have a “man card.”
